the hell is with this body man

Listening: AKINO - Sousei no Aquarion Reading: Homestuck

• ADHD
• (Mild) Atypical Autism
• Asthma
• Eczema
• Nasal Sinus
• Anemia
• Seafood allergy
• Dust allergy
• Smoke allergy
• Hyperosmia
• Lactose Intolerence
• Gender Identity Disorder
• Personality Fragmentation
• Low Blood Pressure
• Gastric Reflux

With this entire array of statuses and debuffs, it is not even funny anymore. FML...?

Nice, the ADHD kicked in.

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Listening: Kagamine Len - SPICE!
Random Quote: We die every time we hand in our assignments, and resurrect with 1HP directly after that. We recover half of our MaxHP with sleep. Cycle repeats, except recovery is up to a quarter. And then an eighth. And then sixteenth. Until the end of the semester. - Joelynn
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I am not sure why. This semester, my ADHD seems to be in full blast. And Joelynn has been taking fish oils regularly most of the time too. Joelynn does not comprehend.

• She leaves my thumbdrive at home.
• She also leaves my handphone at home.
• She misplace assignments in his (now very neat) room. How does that happen?
• As a result, she leaves some of them out when he scan them.
• She cannot remember faces.
• She gets distracted within a third of the time he used to be.
• Though she read less manga, more dreams are seen and more events take place in his worlds.
• She cannot remember deadlines for crap.
• She cannot remember the exact specs of what is required.
• She forgets if he has eaten something she put in the fridge or not.
• She forgets to leave for school.

While all that does not affect me that badly (as a person), it will leave it's mark on my grades. One particular marine seal is particularly anal about punctuality and is warning me against failing. And that also causes me to mouth "fuck" to myself regularly. Siiigghh, Joelynn picked up another new bad habit.

I wonder if I could get some proper drugs for ADHD. Fish oil is fine and all, but sometimes desperate times may require desperate measures.

What is wrong with daydreams?

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Listening: Suneohair - Sakasama Bridge
Watching: Birdy the Mighty Decode - The Cipher
Reading: Nononono - Chapter 60
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I already understand, that fantasy and make-believe is a form of escapism from real life. But why is it wrong? Perhaps I should take it up to 11 and become a resident of Arakawa.

Everyone daydreams too, just each differing in their levels and type of imagination. Besides, if people like us don't daydream,
Who will write stories?
Who will draw illustrations?
Who will author manga?
Who will design characters?
Who will plan storyboards?
Who will shoot movies?
Who will animate films?
Who will make games?


As a parent, I feel sad that my children/creation's existence is being so definitively rejected. I am more God-like then I know, sometimes.

Baccano! is good, essays are bad.

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Listening: 周迅 - 外面
Watching: Scrapped Princess Episode 1
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I have been wanting to write about some things for a long time, but haven't been able to sit down. Well, now I have. I guess I'll recount in reverse chronological order:

Sunday, 15 Feb
My parents are back from Malaysia. My dad said that his sister, has been having dreams of my dead grandpa (their father). In one of those dreams, he told her "You are useless." And when she told my grandma about that dream, my grandma agreed with her. I feel like slapping my grandma on the back for a job well done, but I held back out of "respect" for my aunt. XDD (Like hey, she was in Malaysia, my aunt is in Malaysia, and wtf...? You guys ate reunion dinner without her, and left her alone in her apartment? WTF. Don't you know how lonely she is?)

Saturday, 14 Feb
Baccano! is good. I am in love with Claire Stanfield. So cute.

Friday, 13 Feb
My lecturer kept harping on my inability to look people in the face. (It hurts to look at faces, for me, and for some other autists and etc.) And on Albert's voice (English is not his mother tongue - you should hear him speak Bahasa). Acting module. Arrrggh we know our weaknesses already, stop telling us about it. Albert is so cute. When we look through they videos, I can't stand the sight of myself and want to look away. Bert can't stand the sound of his voice and wants to stuff his ears.

Thursday, 12 Feb
I would smack Japher on the head (oh, I already did) if he wasn't a fifteen-year-old brat. Saying that he hates all "retarded" people. He better not be serious when he says he wants to burn his brother (who has Asperger's).

Tuesday, 10 Feb
A person spoke something, which frightened me a little.

Monday, 09 Feb
I had a dream. There were three birds/winged creatures. Their time passes differently from mine. I met the teenage them first, then the children them, then the adult ones. They were males and quite human. One was yellow, one was green, one was red.

Sunday, 08 Feb
Second week of no children ministry duty, and I miss my kids terribly. Uwaahhh. I miss not wrestling with them who are always biting/clawing/groping/hugging/dancing/head-butting/pulling hair/touching my face/asking to be carried.

Saturday, 07 Feb
The chalet for CJ's 21st birthday. I bought him a Gurren Lagann cup!! *is proud of present*

Thursday, 05 Feb
I amaze myself. I woke up early enough to send Cheri-sama off to Perth.

Wednesday, 04 Feb
I went out to take photos for an assignment. I scared myself. It seems that I am more afraid of people than I thought. I feel ball-ess. (Ughh, oh yea, I had none to begin with.)

Tuesday, 03 Feb
My body has gotten quite horrible. It appears that I am now allergic to certain kinds of artificial flavourings. It didn't use to be like that. Anyway, things like that inflicts the status: Hyperactive on me, which, while fun, is horrify. I can't concentrate on anything at all, because there are over 9000 thoughts/smells/sounds/memories/senses going through my mind. And I also can't sleep at all, because there are over 9000 thoughts/smells/sounds/memories/senses going through my mind. Even honey triggers that status. And I only took 5 spoons!!

Sunday, 01 Feb
I miss my kids. I want to see the adorable girl who is so like me in the Attention Deficit Disorder sense. (Missing the H bit, thank God.) She's too young for doctor's to tell, but I also think she has Angelman's Syndrome, by the way. Which of course, buffs her with 4x Cuteness.

Saturday, 31 Jan
Mahjong = awesome.

Not Even Wrong

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Listening: Epik High - Fan
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Title: Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism
Author: Paul Collins
Call Number: 618.92

(It is not a book review. It is me taking notes before I return the book to the library.)

The first recorded autist was probably Peter the Wild Boy. He was dumped by his parents for not being able to talk. He was found in the wild at 12 years old and taken to King George.

The dude who came out with the Linnaean taxonomy classified the kid as a different species all together, Homo ferus. Imagine the lulz if there are really two distinct species of humans. All the Homo sapiens sapiens would kill themselves sooner or later in frustration and become extinct and the world will be filled with Homo ferus.

......... *bursts out laughing on the floor*

Nothing to do with the book, I answered "Anne" for the Sally-Anne Test. Ahahahaha. Oops. But okay, I changed my answer later.

A survey of a thousand British parents of autistic children in comparison to that of neurotypical children showed that there were double the number of engineering fathers, a hell lot more with jobs involving science and accounting (solo-ist type jobs), and quadruple the number of artists. At Cambridge, science major students have autism in their family six times more than literature major students. WhatifImarryanengineer -Kolkolkolkolkol

That does explain why there are most autists nowadays. Dong dong dong dong... There are more engineers and matheticians and programmers now than before, no?

Computers came from a dude who was suspected to have Asperger's. The author gave a talk at Microsoft, and the programmer guys were on their notebooks, looking at the screen, instead of watching him. They were watching a live podcast of his talk, even with him right in front of them. Epic-ness.

I understand that bit well. It is hard to look at people. Like it hurts. Ummm, my secondary schoolmates can attest to it, I think. They were complaining to me about it last week. XDD

And regarding savantism, there is an interesting explanation. When a kid is about 2 years old, his/her brain forms neural connections at an imba speed, and many of these connections are kinda "redundant" or hetare. Then at 3 years old, it's pruning time!! Chop chop chop. So lucky autistic guys with savants get pruned differently, and therefore maintain their rare neural connections, enabling them with hax hearing/artistic/calculation/etc skills. I think it also comes with screwed up senses of touch/hearing/smell/whatever.

And here ends fun note-taking. Also, I am NOT autistic. I only have adhd. And certain characteristic of the autism spectrum. Na nana nananana.



Other authors I plan to check out: Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin (what a cool name), Uta Frith and Simon Baron-Cohen. As usual, I might not really do so if they are not tl;dr enough. I have a short attention span.

I don't get this lovey-emotion-thingy

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Listening: Yellowcard - Two weeks from Twenty
Watching: Gurren Lagann Episode 16
Reading: D.Gray Man Chapter 125
Random Quote: Tragically, as many as 9625 out of every 10,000 individuals may be neurotypical. - Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical
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My sister is in love now and she cannot take it, cannot control herself anymore, cannot just ignore and must be attached to him, even if he is not a Christian. Weird feelings. BAAAHHHH. Neurotypicals. Pfftt.


I went out with a group of Japanese exchange students on Saturday. It was fun, especially treating them to Carrot Cake and Chin Chow at a hawker centre. They were like "what is this?" And I drew a carrot and grass for them. They went "wow". Heh.

All Singaporean guys should learn from the Japanese guys. Hide and Satoshi told me "You are very pretty". And being unused to being told this by another guy, I stoned for several seconds, before and bowing and saying "arigatou" profusely. =__= It is weird, because Singaporean guys never say that a girl is pretty unless they are going after them, whereas the Japanese guys do. And because of that, I have no idea how to react when being told I am pretty. =__=

Hide wanted to give me a small plushie rabbit too. I rejected it because I'm not used to presents either. (Okaayyy, I admit that I am shy!!) Damn me, was it rude to refuse it? Haha. Chinese have a custom of pushing presents: "you take lar" "no it's for you" &mdash that bit I am very Chinese (despite language impairment). Not a fan of plush toys really. =PP


More art dayo:

Bwwaah. Arm position is wrong.

"You should be a kindergarten school teacher"

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Listening: Kubota Osamu - Aria de Coimbra
Playing: Granado Espada (Closed Beta)
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And yes, that was what Lee Yeung said.

=____=

No no no no no Saru doesn't want that!! I want my own kids, not other people's kids. No no no no no~~~ But then Yong Ming said that if that were the case, all the kids would probably go missing or something. So they decided I'll be better off owning a pet shop since animals can be put in cages whereas kids can't be.

But what I found was most strange was that, he said "You have a certain kind of love that is different from other people and others around you can feel it as well."

O___O Saru doesn't know what love is!! I can't tell the difference between liking Romie (dog) and liking Yong Ming (classmate, 师父). And liking Lao Pa (father) and liking Lee Yeung (classmate, advisor). Hmm okay maybe I respect Lao Pa a lot more, and disturb him a lot more as well. Though well, I do know that there are different levels of "like", different levels of "closeness" and different levels of "respect". Like my "like" level for Ant (sister) is the maximum high, but my "closeness" level with Lao Ma is higher than that of Ant's.

So I protest and say: "Nooo~~ I don't know how to love one~" Daryl (or was it Lee Yeung? I forgot na) says: "You don't know how to love. 废话！！" Mweeh. Scary.

So there, it is strange, don't you think? That I am seen as "showing love" even though I don't know anything about it at all. When I say that, I mean that if I am to be separated from the people I like a lot, I wouldn't mind at all. It feels bad, like I am lying, when I meet somebody I haven't seen for a long time and I say that "I miss you" because I don't. Though, I'll be happy to play and laugh and talk with them.


I find that the way people treat me resembles the way I treat Romie. Like:

• Romie is useless and can do nothing. Same for me.


• Romie and tags me about everywhere and if I stay up late (like now) he stays up too. Saru follows friends around if they want they company.


• Romie doesn't betray people. Saru doesn't... well at least I can't think of any incident. My memory gets wonky often, so I won't know.


• If Romie is happy, he shows it; if he is sad he shows it. Same as Saru. Saru is too lazy to bother to bother acting happy if I am pissed off.


• People will like Romie and play cuddle him even though Romie hasn't done anything for them. Uweeahhh people play with me too. Especially Joyce. And I play with people too. XDD


• Romie trusts people and accepts them for what they are like. Saru too. I know CJ and Lee Yeung and Ham all tell me that LS is just acting so that we would let her off or something, but somehow... Neh, I don't believe it. Not like I don't trust them though, just that I don't wanna doubt LS.

Things that I am not like Romie though, is that I am a lot less emotionally sensitive than he is. Romie can tell when a person is happy (and be playful), when a person is angry (and flee) and when a person is sad (he will stay beside them and be quiet). Saru is too stupid to sense that. Romie also misses me when I am away for a few days, and he wouldn't eat breakfast or dinner properly for that few days. Stupid dog na. If I die before him, he'll die the following week.


Oh it is late. I shall go and sleep now!! LaoPa is bringing us all the Waraku to eat later after church!! XDD Yayness. I've been waiting for that for months. ^ ^ Mweehee.

ASDASDASDASDASD

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Listening: Hajime Chitose - Kataritsugu Koto
Reading: Job 5: 17-27 [CEV]
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Nope that wasn't just some random left-to-right hitting of keys on my keyboard. Search for "ASD" on Wikipedia and it's one of those things there.

Speaking about that, I just checked myself against the list of things there. I scored 5/8 for Social, 4/11 for Language, 1/5 for the imagination/adherence (yayness, lowest one heh) and 2/4 for Sensory. I wonder if I've gotten any better.

Let's see, today we talked a lot during dinner. It was fun since I got to know everyone better. ^ ^ Maybe except for Lychee, since I've been hearing her talk for a long time. Not like the rest are less talkative, but they just speak of serious stuff less often.

Lee Yeung's question just reinforced the fact of how abstract "love" is to me. And I think crap oh noes I want to have children so much, but what happens if I am as apathetic as I am now? What if I don't understand why my children feel a certain way? I can't always go to my mother and ask "How will a normal person think?" - right? And what is my husband is frustrated with my stupidity and inability to experience and comprehend "normal" human emotions? Will he still be a good father?

How do I know what is "love" neeways? I like a lot of people. I like Hamster CJ Clara Joan Joyce Cheryl LS Lychee Meiyun Amirah Yong Ming Lee Yeung Walter Edmund Daryl Joshua Sarah Li Siong Shihan Adrian Kirsten Jean Xiaojun Jasmine Mayeeeeeeeee Charlotte Sandy LaoPa LaoMa Bu (Ant) Yee Romie. Do those count as "love"?

Lameness. Saru has nothing better to think about. But neeways, God gives me a nice verse (a whole paragraph, actually), so yay I WILL have descendants. XDD

I realize Daryl is very honest, and I really like him. Lychee and Lee Yeung can really talk a lot, and I found myself having something to say, but being unable to speak them out because my response is slow. My brains lags when it comes to social interaction and is at sonicspeed with Mathematics and HTML. (Speaking of Maths, I saw my sister doing differentiation with all the dy and dx... OMG I want to take A Maths again!! RAWR.)

Daryl comments that closing my eyes and walking while holding on the person in front makes me vulnerable. But I don't think so since Lychee and Lee Yeung won't bang me into a lamp post on purpose. So I wonder what he means...

ASD!! It also stands for Auto-Shutdown. Unofficially one of the characteristics of ASD as observed by child psychologist. The habit of when, facing any form of stress which one wants to avoid, justing shutting down to sleep immediately as an effective form of escapism. Escape from thinking about what will happen when I grow older BY SLEEPING!!!

^ _ ^ Oyasumi.